Is Trump A Hillary Planet?

I normally don't believe in conspiracy theories ("Michelle Obama is a man", "Paul McCartney died in 1967 and the guy portraying him now is an imposter", "we faked the moon-landing", "LBJ was behind the plot to assassinate JFK", "we're secretly concealing alien life in Roswell NM", etc.) but this sucker almost seems plausible.

BUT EVEN IF IT ISN'T, it might as well be. I mean, think about it. The guy is an absolute buffoon and totally unelectable, and in a political climate in which Mrs. Clinton herself is largely reviled, what better elixir could there possibly be? Seriously, I can almost see the two of them cracking jokes and having a cold one come December.

Hillary surely would lose if any other Republican had won the nomination, given that the bitch is a piece of shit. Also a woman. Yes, she lied to the Benghazi families and has a slush fund in the form of the "Clinton Foundation" (among other problems). But the bottom line is that she's a chick. And not even a hot one, which is why misogynists like me ultimately could never vote for her.

Why the people don't revolt (given the awfulness of both candidates) and elect Gary Johnson is beyond me. Sure, Gary Johnson would work to hard to get rid of a lot of the free stuff the moochers want, and that's going to cost him a LOT of votes.

Like Mitt Romney said, 47 percent of this nation is comprised of parasitic moochers who will vote for the candidate who promises them the most free stuff. Mitt, while a bad candidate, was absolutely right about that.

Anyway, we all know that Trump used to be a Democrat, donated to Hillary's previous presidential campaign and praised Planned Parenthood for their "good work" (chopping up kids and selling the parts). Also, he is currently opposed to free trade. Although he lies about that fact, saying he is a "free trader" but wants to "renegotiate" our trade deals.

Seriously? Free trade involves no "negotiation". The "deal" should be that corporations in different countries sell their goods anywhere around the world without restriction or tariff. American workers get screwed while multinational corporations profit. Big time. I say that not to criticize it, but to PRAISE it. Although Donald may be lying about this. In order to fool the dumb-dumbs.

Which there are many of. Stupid voters, that is. Which is why Trump might just win, despite me just saying he is "unelectable". But the current climate is very different. With the electorate being dumber than ever in recorded history. That's a game changer.

Think about it. The guy is an absolute buffoon and seemingly unelectable, but he's running against a woman. An old pantsuit-wearing hag that (even when she was young) was average looking at best. I mean, who wants a grandma as president" I know I sure as hell do not.

She might be doing a decent job of pretending to be a Progressive. But she's fallen short when it comes to promising free stuff (Comrade Sanders outdoing her in that area). So, it might not be enough. And what better elixir could there possibly be than a guy who plays to the misogyny and bigotry of angry White male voters like me? Seriously, I can almost see the Donald and his VP cracking jokes regarding the "poorly educated" dupes who hand him the election come December.

Byline: This commentary was authored by Willis "I Love Strawmen" Hart. Purveyor of unfacts. LLIN-264.